Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
