i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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