A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
