im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
