The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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