Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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