sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
