Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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