So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
