I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
