On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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