I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pooping to opera.
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