I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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