Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she pinky promised me she was 18
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
