We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
