I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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