Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
