Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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