I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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