so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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