My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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