I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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