Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
