Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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