Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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