Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
