he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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