our cab driver is having phone sex.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
