i just wanna soil my oats bro
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm at about main and main street
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize