Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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