Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
