was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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