i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
