idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
