I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
