This is not my ceiling
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
