some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
