Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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