can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
