I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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