my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
