The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize