toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
