So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
