p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
