Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
