i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
