Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
