coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
