In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
