What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
